" Good Feeling", FloRida

           THIS IS THE SONG THAT WILL BECOME MY ANTHEM TO
                                    LOOSE 25.2 KILOS IN 12WEEKS !!!!!!!!!!!



So I go to bed the night before 12 WBT begins. I think, have I eaten every piece of food I could possibly miss eating? Which sounds so odd now,  as I am writing this, so far into the program because I can't list you all the food I thought was that important that I needed to eat it before my head hit the pillow that night, because NO FOOD is THAT important anymore !!!!

I do everything that is asked of me in all the video snips, all the pre-season tasks, and I mean,  I DID ALL OF THEM, and sometimes I did them 4 times because my eyes were wide open, I was armed and prepared, I had a brand new pair of shoes, I searched a heap of music that had amazing beats that would see me walk everywhere, FloRida, Nicky Minaj, Rhiannon, Pink, Karmen, Katy Perry. Every workout I had charged my ipod every night before I went to bed , to make sure I didn't have that one excuse that would make it o-kay to miss my "planned" workout and I had my heart rate monitor. I woke up every morning knowing exactly what it was I WANTED !!!!!


Now this little machine rocked my world !!!!  My heart rate monitor. I wasn't going to get one but I thought, you've done everything Michelle has asked you to do, whats another $100 if it works?  (I'm certainly not a rich person but it was important to me to have all the right tools)   What if I miss out on the opportunity to be amazing?  Once again, I watch The Biggest Looser and I think they wear something to tell them a calorie burn ???     Yep, I'm going to just like them.

So day 4 my heart rate monitor arrives, so incredibly keen I flick through the instructions and slap it on to see how it works. I wear it all day, just to get the feel of it and I'm keen to know what SSS is how hard is it to do 1000 calories?

I watch my heart beating at 89, not doing anything, I don't know if that's any good, but at least it's beating I suppose. Then I go on with my business, my business is usually housework, so I bend over in the laundry and I heave the clothes from the floor into the front loader. I can hardly bend my knees and my back just hurt because that's what's taking all the pressure, all that 120 kilos of pressure,  as I bend I watch and hear the heart rate monitor jump to 108 beats. I am floored I stop and can not even fathom that a simple everyday action like bending over to pick up clothes put that much pressure onto my heart ?????   All that fat I had in my gut, was pushing into my heart and making it work so damn hard, and I was putting clothes into the washer for gods sake, it should be that hard. !!!!!  HOLY CRAP, what the bloody hell have I been doing to my body and I really honestly had no idea, how enormous the problem was, it wasn't about how good I looked anymore, it was a real game changer , this was so much deeper than a want it anymore it  now became a need.

I approach it as a marathon, I literally set myself a plan every hour (tick), everyday,(tick) every week (tick). If I eat all the right food, did all the calorie burns and drank all my water, then I would loose weight. There was nothing complicated about it, just like a maths problem or a recipe to your favourite dish,  I just needed to keep it real, and it always came back to my own internal FEELINGS.

 I always associate things with thoughts and feeling that's why the songs are really important to me, that's why the before photo became important too. I would pull that up on the computer and look at it when I was tired because being tired was always my downfall, no good decision was every made by me because I was tired. So I would look at that before photo and remember had embarrassed I was to make my husband look at ME through the lens of the camera and I felt that every time because it was all me.

Nobody else put all that food into my body, it's not like someone stood there and said, here eat that 3rd piece of cake, eat the bag of chips, eat that pizza, and stuffing it into my face,  it was the doing of my own hand I did that.  It was me and only me. One of the songs on my ipod was Nicky Minaj, "Starships" and she sings, " I own that"  and I do !!!!  I own it, without emotion, it is what it is, I can't hide anymore because I've said it out aloud. I own it and I am the only person who did it and I was hurting myself and not giving those I loved the person I knew I wanted to be.

So functioning on the one hour, one day, one week, I found every Wednesday morning at weight o-kay it's that time again because I knew I did everything to the letter, and I let go of the number, I actually didn't even care about the number, a loss was good but more importantly I had a " GOOD FEELING".
                                   
                                          Yeah I got a brand new spirit,
                                                 Speak it and it's done
                                       Woke up on the side of the bed like I won

                   IT REALLY HAD BECOME

                                      ALL

                    ABOUT THE FEELING