Some Nights - Fun

I don't remember too much about the my first 12 weeks, I just put my head down, and did the same thing everyday, I burnt the calories I needed to and I ate PERFECTLY !! 

What I did remember though was doing pre-season and the question, What were my mini goals, and what did I want to achieve?

Gosh I had so much in that blank box .... um ......Loose weight ? That's all I wanted to do.  Didn't care what the number was, just as long as I didn't see 120 kgs on the scales and climbing.

By the first week, I thought, Oh I know what I want.  I want to do my buttons on my work shirt, without the fear of busting out of it. I would wear a Cami underneath my work clothes, in fear of busting out and I was so comfortable in every movement I made, always pulling at my top wishing it would stretch longer, to cover over my hips,  I just wanted to be comfortable.

As I set out for walks around the lake, I would strap my knee up in a brace, perhaps, it might be nice to not have to put on a brace, and have that niggling thought, is this the day my knee buckles?

So when the round finishes up , I don't really celebrate the 25 kilo weight loss, I'm proud of my effort, but I'm not over the top with it. I am happy but just know how much further I need to go until I am "happy" with my weight.  ( which I now see as 65-75kilos)   ......  Oh and no knee brace, that's gone from my essentials list too :)

I was so hesitant whether I was going to tackle the next round because of it's timing, Christmas, school holidays and EVERYTHING that goes with it, but I thought, no if you remain honest to yourself and just go with the flow and don't put expectations on yourself,  I will be all good, I'm not dropping my bundle, I'm just being realistic.

I know what my long term goal is, this isn't a race, this is a my own marathon. It's taken 18 years to get here, I know what sort of commitment it takes to do the hard work, and reaped the benefits of that. Just get the kids back to school , then you can hit the ground running again. I also just needed some time to adjust too.

Everywhere I go, especially at school, people want to comment all the time and I just needed to be mum and Anthea again, not the ever shrink Anthea. Anthea, the mum, the wife, who likes her own space.  Don't get me wrong it's lovely people are noticing and commenting but I kind of like being under the radar.

So when I sat down and wrote out my "objectives and goals" for this current round I made them not weight related because I actually didn't care about loosing weight.

Sounds ridiculous but I just wanted to "back myself" in other ways. It still makes me feel amazing, empowered and focused but just not dwelling on "the" number.

So what I wanted to do this round was to try different things, step out of my comfort zone. I wanted to test my body, I wanted to see if I could goal set and achieve in all area's.

Knowing that was my approach, I thought I would start blogging, to get the thought processes I have been having and feelings out, which I have found to be so rewarding. I really wondered if it was a bit self indulgent, but thought, what if other people can relate and see they aren't " alone", with the emotional side and the weight gain ?  I've been able to really work through a lot internally and accepting every thing that has happened, and still be stronger for going through the motions. So begin blogging,  TICKED & ACHIEVED.

Next thing - Wanting to try different things and pushing my body into things I never thought was possible, lets do the Cross trainer. Well that's now my choice of poison, I LOVE it, a bit addicted really, that by Christmas I will have one at home to combat that school holiday let down , that' I've had.  Trying something else also involved classes other than water, so I trusted my aqua instructor on a Monday night called Di.

Di takes many different classes & after aqua, zooms into CXworxs. Hmmmm how interesting, should I give this a go? Naturally I do ( because I trust her)  and the first night we do it outside in the open air, yet get bitten by mozzies, that doesn't stop me from making that a "regular" class after aqua. Then Di announces that she will be missing from CX, but will be taking body balance instead the following week.

Figured, well Anth, tick another box on the "something new".  This was very early into the start of the second round. I am amazed that every time I look into these mirrors, that are everywhere, I actually don't mind my reflection. Di keeps saying ask more from our body, stretch that body, take it to places you've never been before. I'm a bit lost and amazed in the moment, these bends and stretching just blows my mind. 14 weeks ago, I couldn't even bend, in my sit and reach I started at -27 and now I reach plus 5. I've never really "asked" my body to help me, nor have I truly respected my body, like I do right in this moment. Body balance is between Pilate's and yoga, no high intensity at all, yet you are pushing your limits. This is exactly what I was looking for, I wanted to be pushed out of my comfort zone. For the last 20 minutes, you are encouraged to meditate and let everything go, she plays this haunting music, and I am lost to my emotions. I put a towel over my head, anybody watching me would see my breathing is not right because I am sobbing underneath that towel. I am so enormously happy and proud of myself and how far I have come.  After the class Di asks, " Are you o-kay?"

My answer .......  no I'm not & I finally have that complete meltdown that was always coming and I just cry again. But I've done it & I am beyond proud of myself. Just that complete realisation that I'm going to be o-kay, and boy it was so nice to share that with someone who has also seen a big changes in me, another one of those breakthrough moments.

New classes CxWorx & Body Balance TICK & ACHIEVED.

I have 3 other things I want to do before the end of the round,  ride The aqua racer, TICK,  & climb 1000 steps twice.

So I drive myself over to 1000 steps in the wee hours of the morning and with my iphone I use that as my torch to shine my way up those steps at 5.15am. I want to do it , so I can still be home before my family wakes up. Without a care in the world, like I've been doing this forever, it is done, TICKED & ACHIEVED.

 

These are all really enormous things that before 12WBT, I could have never done. I physically and mentally could have never gone there. I suffered from depression, anxiety, trapped in an obese body, hell that was me locked away for 4 years, paralysed but here I was asking myself to push a bit more. It's not about weigh for me, it's about creating this whole amazing outlook for life

So every Wednesday before I step on the scales I know I haven't done enough to ask for a 1 kilo plus lost, I did that in my first round instead, I have just been wrapped that when I get on the scale I don't see a 1 kilo gain every 3 days because that was actually my reality before 12WBT.

Funny though, it's not the loosing a huge amount of weight, I've missed, it's the exercising. CRAZY, but I miss the exercise more than the weight loss.

So when Saturday rolls around I am hitting that SSS, with such grunt, I can't wait to sleep Friday night, just to do it !!!!

So a couple of weeks ago I asked my body, can you push just a little extra ?

Hmm appears about 14kms of walking/running and 2 aqua classes I can.


My gosh I shake my head and wonder who the hell am I?  This is not who I've ever been . Actually I am becoming that version of me that I've always wanted to be !!!!

My morals, values and loves are still there but I am actually just pretty o-kay with myself.  I'm more than o-kay. I'm fantastic !!!!!!

When I go to bed I no longer toss & turn and worry, all  that's gone and it's a really nice place I find myself in.

So yesterday I think, man you've made top 15%, which was a massive surprise, How about that wedding dress?

                                                YEP I CAN DO THAT TOO



I might not have that "weight loss" that most people might think is the most important thing. I have developed a really strong sense on who I am, what I want to achieve and I'm ticking off my own boxes.

So blogging was for this round, not sure if I will continue but thanks for following me, I'm going back to basics because the boys are back at school and I'm ready to work hard again, next round. I'm already in the process of making my goal list too.

Keep your mindset on that marathon, we are all going to run it differently, we all had the same starting point and we will cross that finish line when we are good and ready.

I still don't know what I stand for , I'm just learning each day,  where I've come from, where I'm going and who I want to be .

What I do know though is I've never been more balanced and happy, capable of goal setting and achieving and I'm o-kay with that .......... actually I'm really fantastic with that.